just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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