I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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