sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
