I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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