They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
