Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
