I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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