Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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