On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
