so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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