his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
