Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
