bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
where are my eyebrows?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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