So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
