I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
