You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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