you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
