Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my shit smells like andre
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
