is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
