I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
