I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
