i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
