is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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