you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
