Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
