singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How does one acquire holy water?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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