I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
