Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Plan B is the new Plan A
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
