SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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