All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
