I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
