my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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