Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
