I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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