Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
