based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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