stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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