Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
