just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
