I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
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More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
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also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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