my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Oh god it's open bar.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
