Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
