i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
