I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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