I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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