A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
