What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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