I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
