I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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