Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
