Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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