Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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