you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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