I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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