i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
