she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
