worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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