Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
