Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
