I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize