I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
