i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
