I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
