that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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