So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
