I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
