Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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