Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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