It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
