Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
