I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
