I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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