Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week