So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
