I chose taco bell over sex...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
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I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.