i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?