My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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