It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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